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Cro-Magnon is the 12th episode of Season One of Ally McBeal.


Ally and Renee take a sculpture class, where one of the nude male models appears prodigiously well endowed. When Georgia hears about the model, she decides to take up sculpting as well, even though Billy disapproves.


Fish introduces Ally to client Austin Gill, whose 19-year-old son, Clint, has been charged with assault. Clint doesn't want to plead guilty and gain a record, even though six people at a party saw him punch his victim. Ally resists an immediate physical attraction to Clint, but the only trial strategy she can think of is to emulate enigmatic John Cage, who is also assigned to the case and with whom she has accepted a dinner date later in the week. That night during and after sculpture class, Ally is startled and quite rattled by strange hallucinations of a baby, dancing to the old song, 'Hooked on a Feeling.' The next day, in court, Clint's victim testifies he didn't provoke Clint, but does admit to calling Clint's date, the victim's ex-girlfriend a 'slut.' Ally tells the judge that if her 'chastity was impugned' on a date, she would want her boyfriend to stand up for her. Then, explaining she is troubled, she takes a 'Cage-like moment' of time-out. Later, as Ally recounts all this to Renee at a coffee shop, Glenn, the art-class model, enters, recognizes Ally and asks her out. Back at the office, Billy overhears the women discussing Glenn and asks them if "size" really matters. They all say no, but Billy knows they're not being completely honest.

Later, Cage suggests that Ally use an anthropologist as a witness in Clint's case. Cage also says he knows about Ally's date with Glenn, but doesn't want too many details. That night, Ally asks Renee about her dancing baby hallucinations. Renee says they must be a manifestation of Ally's ticking biological clock. The next day, the firm's men start a betting pool on an upcoming boxing match and Georgia is roped in. Georgia appeals to Billy to get her out of the event, but Billy just asks her if she's satisfied in bed and if she ever wishes he were 'bigger.' Georgia remarks he has nothing to worry about. At the assault trial, Cage calls an anthropologist to the stand then dismisses him with no questions. Austin Gill is furious, but Ally assures him Cage works in mysterious ways. That night, Ally has drinks with Glenn, a professional snowboarder whose casual approach to life is opposite of Ally's constant obsessions. Ally admits later to Renee that she would have gone to bed with Glenn had he asked. Meanwhile, Billy lies in his own bed, mortified, because, for the first time ever, he was unable to perform when attempting to make love to Georgia. She, however, thinks his obvious need to impress her is wonderful.

The next day in court, Cage appeals to the jury by telling about a time in his own life when he didn't stand up to a bully and it haunted him for years. He states that when he finally did punch another bully years later, he felt like a man for the first time. Back at the office, while waiting for the verdict, Georgia begs Ally to go to the boxing match with her and the men. But Ally has another date with Glenn. On the way back to the courtroom, Ally suddenly sees the dancing baby again. Fish senses her hallucination and asks about it. He says he once got rid of a similar apparition by giving in to it. Back in court, the jury acquits Clint. Ally gives him a big hug and can't resist squeezing his rear end as she does. That night, as Georgia and the men watch the fight, Ally tells Glenn about the trial. They go back to her apartment and perform 'Heart and Soul' on the piano, then they begin kissing. As the boxing match peaks, Ally and Glenn make love on the floor. Later, after Glenn leaves, Ally marvels at her ability, for the first time ever, to have an uncomplicated one night stand. As she showers, she sees the baby again and dances freely with it.


Full transcript can be found here.


This is the first time the Dancing Baby appears.


Hooked On A Feeling | BLUE SWEDE
The Wildest Times of the World | VONDA SHEPARD
I Could Have Danced All Night (cover) | VONDA SHEPARD
Cavalleria Rusticana | MASCAGNI

See also list of songs in the episode.



Calista Flockhart as Ally McBeal
Courtney Thorne-Smith as Georgia Thomas
Greg Germann as Richard Fish
Lisa Nicole Carson as Renée Raddick
Jane Krakowski as Elaine Vassal
with Peter MacNicol as John Cage[1]
and Gil Bellows as Billy Thomas

Guest starring

Michael Easton as Glenn
Lee Wilkof as District Attorney Nixon
Michael Winters as Judge Herbert Spitt
Henry Woronicz as Austin Gil
Vonda Shepard as Herself
Eddie Mills as Clinton Gil
Derk Cheetwood as Dwayne Stokes

Notes and references

  1. From this episode onwards, MacNicol appears in the opening credits. He has hitherto been credited as a 'special appearance'.